drafts

"drafts"

it's true what i have said--

that i am
             weary. misplaced.
still stuck in the stream
                                        of
monotony. by daylight
                                       my
legs drag along the riverbed.

day-dreamt of ghosts bound
to the fences
                    their brothers
& sisters
                   once sat upon--

at night i am
                     drowning.

unable to lighten the weight
of myself.
               
remaining a student, a son, a
child
           to the eyes of forever.

(title-less) from Michelle Gottschlich / edited/chopped from Josh Zoerner

n/a

i dreamt of lake michigan. dreamt

that i could smell 

                             foul water & the 

waste of the mill furnace. 

watched Bethlehem’s stale candle. 

                                         & sister, 

i dreamt of you. 

you

       up to your shoulders in water.

from the beach,

i watched mercurial waves lick 

your

        clavicle. 

saw a host of gulls circle 

                                        over us, 

& waited for their cries 

                                    like distant 

door hinges. 

i thought of the rosary 

                                   mother gave you 

&  sister, i

                   stopped 

                                believing 

but prayed to the gulls anyway.

& i couldn’t get to father. so i

                                                waited 

for you. i stayed

perched at your window, 

                                         watching 

the garden tremble. 

                               sometimes hiding 

under your covers.

& it's true, 

i can smell your sweat laced with the 

dirt of summer.

sister, i wondered if you had

                                              drowned 

or forgot how to swim. 

i could teach you again.

(i thought you might like 

                                       the water) 

on your side of the bed i reason 

to myself how you didn’t cry at 

our stepfather’s funeral. you’d find me 

rose-eyed 

                just staring at your ceiling. 

sister,

          you are a russian doll 

& i keep you safe. 

& sister, in my dreams i wait for you, 

i wait just to hear for 

                                 your footsteps to 

crack on our floorboards.