n/a

The summer is over.

Tomorrow begins work in the Indiana University Library. I have to be up before eleven for the first time in three months. Something about this seems vastly cruel though it is a minor issue in the spectrum of things. I keep examining events and people that I've encountered and dealt with for the past three months and realize that more than half of it I could have avoided. The other half I chose to be involved in and genuinely cared.

The truth is, I want to come out an be completely honest with each person I want nothing to do with. I want to tell them calmly and clearly that I want nothing to do with them any longer, give them my reason for this, and then emotionlessly walk away from them without animosity on either side. This is harsh and unfair, I'm aware. I'm not inhuman in saying most of this, but, for the most part I want to cleanse myself of all the loose ends in my life. This "social cleansing" would not result in me burning bridges with close friends, good friends, or acquaintances.

But of course, I talk about these things as if they were easy to do, or fair, or right, or necessary. Perhaps they are easy or necessary, but when I look at myself in the mirror and picture one of the people I want to cut away I can't seem to look them in the eyes. Maybe I'm doing things for the wrong reasons and getting rid of people who do truly care, or maybe I'm just building it all up in my mind.

This feeling/thought won't have a closure statement that's even slightly definitive or certain. David Bazan has the general idea:

"If you make a reference to some
trouble that you know
can it help you keep it under control?
Or should I really reconsider
my reason for going solo?"