some words

hopefully you find something you enjoy in here. if not, i appreciate you at least taking a peak.

yrs,

-j

my name is ivy

"my name is ivy"

i lit my cigarette and exhaled

slowly. with my lips and tongue tasting of

carcinogenchemicals i grinned and stepped from

my porch.

my old man shoes clicked and thudded on the

displaced sidewalks and lonesome

streets.

this street.

this street where i saw her stumbling home from

wherever her legs and feet took her.

this street.

where i took a drag of my cigarette and tossed the rest into

a puddle.

i exhaled the smoke, licked my lips, and tasted the

chemicals.

when she crossed my path i swore she smiled through her

disheveled brunette hair and glossy

eyes.

but you can never tell with encounters at 3 a.m.

pillow talk

"pillow talk"

"i can hardly live by my own advice" i tell her as

she looks into my

eyes.

this moment, a centerpiece of honesty, interpreted as

trite misanthropy.

my heart falls through the roof.

surrounded by shards of

old wood & broken glass

that form a makeshift constellation. her fingernails

trace my cheek and i

exhale.

i've said enough.

clothes on, different image

"clothes on, different image"

i found his notes in her

pocket.

i lingered on every word until it

hurt.

it felt like wispy fall air.

maybe she loved me

then or maybe i was lost in the way her nails

dug into my skin.

days later i'm sitting at the end of a bar fantasizing

about having a house and a

car.

a suburban desperado;

with nothing to claim for his own.

until someone surrenders

"until someone surrenders"

the sunlight hits my cheek

and i

roll deeper into my sheets. i wake

smelling golden

hair

and

smirk at two peoples' tangled

limbs.

words ring in my head:

"it's only a bargain if you want it."

head on my chest

"head on my chest"

i can just tell you what i know.

some nights i hear my door rock back and forth, imagine a knock &

check the eyehole,

then realize there is no one.

i keep on with my

night.

i roll my own cigarettes

"i roll my own cigarettes"

i walk in (eyes closed)

and

smell you from across the room

through cigarette

smoke.

(close to cathartic.)

tonight, we sink deeper into corners

lit with miserable light and rooms

that smell like cheap beer.

i'm too tired to spoil your night,

so i'll chain smoke until the sun

rises.

you stumble out heels in hand,

i walk you home.